Tuesday, February 22, 2011

To my beautiful boy

Well, it's almost midnight, which means it's almost your birthday. You're almost one, my angel. This year has been so amazing, so wonderful, and you are such a blessing.

There are so many moments that I remember vividly, from the moment that I read the pregnancy test that said "positive" and I fell off the toilet, to the moment when I realized (with dawning horror) during labor that you were facing the wrong way and I was having back labor, to the intense relief I felt when I heard you cry for the first time and I didn't have to push anymore, because you were out and the contractions were over. The first time I saw you, covered in all sorts of baby goop, screaming your head off (and I noticed, chagrined, that you had inherited the extra tissue in your gums that would give you a gap between your front teeth, just like your mother), well--all I could think was that you were the most amazing creature I had ever beheld, my beautiful, beautiful boy.

And then you were on my stomach, and I watched in amazement as you curled your little fingers around my pinky, and I marveled at your perfect little hands and feet. The world was a blur as they took you away from me to clean you off, but then promptly brought you back and I got to hold you, cuddle you, and kiss you over and over again because you were here, and all I could possibly feel was extreme gratitude to God that you were alive, you were healthy, and I was the lucky one who got to be your mom.

It hasn't always been easy. But luckily for me, you have always been a good sleeper, so I was getting to sleep four hours where some moms were stuck sleeping two--or less. And every morning I get to awaken to you giving me a gigantic grin, with your now eight teeth, because the day has started and you are thrilled to be alive. I can't describe how warm my heart felt the first time you rolled over, or how terrified but proud I was that first time you pulled yourself into a standing position. I can barely describe the feeling of joy I get every time you sit in my lap and rest your head against my chest as I read you a book. Perhaps my favorite thing is the way your eyes light up when I start to sing you "Snuggle Puppy."

I'll admit, the thought of you leaving your babyhood behind scares me a little, and I am a bit sad, in a way. At the same time, however, I am so excited for all of the new things that we will get to experience during your second year--and I look forward to having more conversations with you in which you can respond to me, and to seeing you walk, and to watching you learn and grow more each and every day.

I love you so much, my darling boy, and I can't wait to see what this next year brings.

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