Sunday, June 10, 2012

Why is it Any of Your Business?

Can someone please explain to me why it is, exactly, that women's reproductive health is anybody's business?

I very clearly remember a moment at my bridal shower when one of my mother-in-law's friends mentioned us having kids.  I wish someone had taken a photo of my face at that moment, because I am quite sure that the only words that could possibly describe it were "abject horror."

I was twenty-two.  I had absolutely NO INTEREST in having children.  To me, the concept of children was something very abstract:  Something that I would like to have someday, but definitely not then.  In a lot of ways, I was still somewhat of a child myself.  I was rather innocent about...a lot of things, really, and I had a great deal of growing up to do.  Plus, back then, I can honestly say I was way too selfish to have a kid.

Jon and I were married for nearly four years before Bug was conceived.  I was six weeks along when he and I went out for our four year anniversary, and we were both excited, but scared, knowing that our lives were going to be forever changed.

But!  Because we were married, clearly we should have been procreating!  I will never forget how weary I felt when people were constantly asking me when we were going to have kids, when a big question for Jon and me was if we would be able to have kids.  I honestly wanted to murder my husband when he told some of his family members that we were going to be trying, as it took eighteen months for me to get pregnant with Bug.   This turned into eighteen months of me biting back smart remarks every time somebody asked us how it was going.  And then shortly after I had Bug, everyone was asking when we were going to go for Number 2!  Of course, Cat simply wanted to be born, and he showed up quite unexpectedly.

But it's just rude!  I mean, seriously.  Didn't anybody ever teach y'all manners?  Why on earth would you badger someone, especially if you know they might have trouble conceiving, about something like that?

What brought this on?  Well, a friend of mine is moving, and she posted something on Facebook, and somebody responded back that before she moved that she needed to get the maternity clothes that she had loaned to this person, and suddenly people were like, "OMG R U PREGGERS?"

Plus another one of my dear friends had a miscarriage last year, and everyone is bugging her, asking when they're going to try again.  She's still dealing with the loss of that baby, along with fear of it happening again.

I suppose I just don't understand.  I was very confused as to why everyone was asking us about having kids when we first got married.  I mean, we weren't destitute, but even though Jon and I both were working money was very tight for our first few years of marriage.

I don't want to be totally hypocritical--one of my friends was posting on Pinterest nursery ideas so I did ask her, and another friend was acting really suspicious so I also posed the question to her.  But I don't go around harassing people about their babymaking.  I also didn't do it in a public forum.  Or repeatedly.

Look, I've been truly blessed.  I have had two fairly easy pregnancies that resulted in two wonderful, whole, happy babies.  But not everybody is as fortunate as me, so I do encourage you to please think about it.  While we do live in the Facebook world of statuses that contain pretty much everything we need to know (and frequently more than we need to know) about other people, extending a little courtesy to people goes a long way.

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